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  • Writer's pictureGrace Jensen

#28 Discovering Pornography Betrayal Moment By Moment ft. John Brailsford, PhD

Dr. John Brailsford, therapist of twenty years, comes onto the show to discuss how unhealthy relationship dynamics often form when a spouse is struggling with pornography and how to replace them with healthy dynamics. They start off by discussing the different reasons why men and women can become involved in pornography (14:10). Grace suggests that pornography use is a spectrum, to which Dr. Brailsford agrees (18:40). For more information on why pornography can be damaging, check out

He then describes the typical reaction of a spouse discovering their partner’s pornography use (28:50), and shares that this reaction is the biggest indicator of the relationship’s proceeding health (32:30). Simply put, for the benefit of everyone, compassion is key (33:50). During this discussion Grace mentions The Betrayed, the Addicted, and the Expert podcast and ACT therapy, which introduced the idea to Grace of being a spouse in accordance with your values (44:00).

The two then focus on the response of the spouse discovered (47:30). Dr. Brailsford expounds upon the differences gender energies can make in this scenario (48:00). He then lists various triggers and factors in pornography use (59:40).

Next, Dr. Brailsford shares his recommendation on what to do now that both partners are aware of the addiction (64:00). They spend a significant amount of time detailing the mindset needed for healing and growth (67:00). His final message is that doing your best as an individual to heal your relationship is far more important than whether the relationship is saved in the end (78:40).

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